So you see a man while you’re out somewhere, and not leaving meeting a good man to an accident of fate, you grab the bull by the horns, take some initiative, and strike up a conversation with him. Great start, but after the small talk fades (and it will, quickly at that), what’s next?
How do you know if this new man you’re talking with is a keeper, or if you should gently and politely throw him back for some other lucky girl to catch?
If you follow the advice below, you’ll be able to quickly and easily get “inside his mind.” If you like what you find there, who knows? It could be the start of a beautiful relationship.
Passion Is Everything
The things you’re passionate about are probably different than your hobbies, miscellaneous other interests and what you do for a living. It’s a rare person indeed who gets to live his or her passion daily. They exist of course, but you’ll only run across someone like that once or twice in your life.
Because of that, the things that someone is passionate about aren’t always obvious to the eye. A tax accountant might be passionate about homelessness, donating to Habitat for Humanity every chance he gets, or helping with site builds. A buff body builder might have a soft spot for feral kittens, and does volunteer work (or wants to) in his spare time. It could be anything, and you never know what’s lurking just under the surface. The best way to find out is simply to ask the question, “So…tell me what you’re passionate about.”
People love to talk about their passions, and when you ask that question of the man you’re interested in, his answer will go a long ways toward telling you all the important things you need to know about him. Building on the examples above, if he tells you he’s passionate about Habitat for Humanity, that says something very powerful and specific about him as a man. As does the passion for feral kittens.
Another great way to get inside someone else’s mind and find out what makes them tick and what their priorities are is to ask them a hypothetical question, like this:
“So John, question: If you and I had been dating, but only a short while…three weeks or something, and you were over at my house for dinner one evening. The doorbell rings, and I go to see who it is. Then I rush back in and tell you it’s the cops! They’re looking for me, and I ask you to answer the door and tell them I’m not here while I hide in the closet…would you do it for me, or would you turn me in?”
A question like that opens up all sorts of interesting conversation possibilities, but the answer you get will also tell you a lot about the person you asked it of. There aren’t really any “correct” answers here – that’s not why you’re asking. You’re asking to help you get a better sense of the kind of person you’re talking to, and questions like these can be hugely illuminating. Just be prepared to answer whatever question you ask, because the person you asked will probably turn it around on you and want to know your answer too!
Your Assistance Please
Someone once said that the automatically opening doors you see in many big chain retail stores finally killed chivalry. After all, you can’t very well hold a door open if it opens by itself! It was probably a bit of an overstatement. Chivalry isn’t dead, it’s just getting a little harder to find.
One great way to help it make a comeback, and to find out what a man you’re interested in is made of, is to ask for his help or advice on some small matter.
It could be anything from a request to borrow his phone, or (one I’ve used before at a department store) to help you get something off of a high shelf that’s out of your reach. You could even ask for advice on something you’re considering buying.
Watch closely how he responds to your request. Does he seem put upon, or does he eagerly seize the opportunity to swoop in and “save the day” Does he do the minimum you asked of him, or does he try to do more. Whatever the response is, you can bet it will be illuminating. It will give you important clues as to the sort of man he truly is, and that will enable you to make a better decision.
The things you learn by using the techniques described above will reveal some powerful, profound information about your potential mate, but be warned, you may not always like what you discover!
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